Posted by No.2Pencil on December 01, 1998 at 02:07:40:
I realize that "Neri" is a fictional character Ash,"me" etc. But I also realize there is a longing in me, to live the ideal life. In the ideal life there is a girl who thinks like me and is approxamately my age, and we grow up together since the time that we were little kids, and are lifelong mates. The best time of life is growing up as a kid with this lifelong mate. That time of adventure and carefree,when you're in your most beautiful looking age, before you're bogged down with the pressures and responsibilities of the real world, is more valuable than silver and gold. I didn't grow up with a "lifelong mate". And now in the "real world", people put up walls, they're faky,...it's diffucult to really know people if you didn't grow up with them as kids. Yes, I do wish that Marzena and I could have grown up together. Like on that one series "The Wonder Years" where the characters Kevin Arnold and Winne Couper experience childhood together, or the characters Jason and Neri. There was no one like that in my life, and in the adult real world you never really know what you're in for because adults are sick, sad, sorry, and full of sh--. Maybe in the eyes of the Universe I am nothing more than a speck of dust in an infinite universe, and whether or not I'm happy means nothing to it, sometimes your lucky and sometimes you ain't so lucky. But this is one "speck of dust" that is not going to just lay down and be defeated. If I am going to loose anyway, and not experience the ideal, I might as well go down with a bang. I don't care if I sound crazy because it doesn't really matter if I'm already going to loose. I'm just going to come right out with what I really want, with what I really desire. Yes, I love Neri. Yes, I wish Marzena really was like Neri. Yes, I wish we had grown up together. Yes, I wish we never had to grow up and were eternally beautiful and healthy. The only difference between you and me will be I at least said what I wanted, you didn't, and we both ended up getting sh--.